


DAF

by fairytalehearts



Series: Daily Lois [3]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Batman - All Media Types, Gotham (TV), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 03:10:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12974568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytalehearts/pseuds/fairytalehearts
Summary: Diamonds Are Forever...Except When They're Fake by Lois LaneA DailyPlanet.com exclusive. With additional reporting by Clark Kent.





	DAF

**Author's Note:**

> Reading Pages and Daily Clark is not 100% necessary but they do give some context/insight to my Lois and Clark. My inspiration for Bruce and Selina came from Gotham but again not 100%.

Leaning over the display case, Selina took a critical look at the diamonds display within. They were all quite sparkly and good sized, even though the majority of them were fake. If she could tell they weren’t real without even looking at them up close, odds were someone else would upon closer observation. Her fence wasn’t stupid and she wasn’t going to risk burning Eduardo over something like fake diamonds.

Carefully putting the glass display case back together, she resealed the edge together with her soldering gun and collected her equipment. The old shop was quiet in the darkness, but she had learned early on to safeguard her entrance (side window) to her exit (roof access panel).

The telltale sign of the mouse traps she placed on the window sill going off let her know a little birdie was nearby.

Wrapping it up, she shouldered her gear and headed towards the roof. The last time she’d been in Central City that Cisco person slipped the boots into her pack. The boots had some sort of computer component that changed the way she walked- creating different foot patterns. They were a bitch to walk in but the good ol’ boys at the GCPD hadn’t been able to connect to any thefts in months. Which in turn greatly benefited the Gotham Animal Society and Gotham City’s Social Workers.

Climbing up the side of the fire escape, as not to raise any suspicions as to why it was down, she reached the top- a familiar scowl/cowl waiting for her at the top.

“Bats.” Selina smirked, putting her hands up in a defensive stance. “You here to frisk me? I might even let you if you say ‘Pretty Please’.”

Batman signaled Robin somehow and she could hear the little pitter patter of feet head down the alley. Maybe the Dark Knight had finally mastered texting? He sat down on the HVAC unit he was standing on and Selina took a running step before vaulting herself up there with a handspring. Twisting mid-air, she landed next to him: legs crossed, perfectly poised. The not-a-heist was supposed to take the majority of her evening and now that she didn’t have that she needed some entertainment. Batman fit the bill.

“Showing off, Catwoman?”

“Depends on if you like what you see.”

Batman looked her up and down- once, briefly, and looked towards the GCPD, waiting for a bat signal to distract him from whatever it was between them. Nothing happened. Maybe Gordon was taking the night off. It was perfect weather, the heat wave had died out and even crime was down. People must be happy to be able to take ten feet away from their air conditioners. She and Bats didn’t talk about the weather or anything really, but she found herself sitting next to him, waiting for the lights in the sky.

Bat’s voice breaks up her reflective moment quite horribly, “Why didn’t you steal anything?”

“Why are you still here if you know I didn’t steal anything?” Selina countered, searching his stoic face for clues. Nothing but a little stubble and a frown. Classic Batman not revealing everything-

_-Mouse traps. Voices._

Leaning over the side of the HVAC, she grabbed Batman’s outfit for balance when she saw a familiar green hood and a familiar blonde head.

“- is going to be mad we didn’t call him.” Felicity Smoak pointed out while The Green Arrow looked curiously at an arrow with a mouse trap at the end. Her enhanced hearing wasn’t Superman-level or anything but she could make out the majority of the conversation while the emerald archer boosted Felicity in the window.

_“The Diamonds were manufactured in Star City. He’s just gonna have to deal with it.”_

Selina let go of Batman’s outfit and leaned back into a sitting position. Thinking her words carefully she opened her mouth and his _ungloved_ hand went to cover her mouth. The action itself wasn’t unwarranted, but Selina could not believe it was happening. Close contact was something that was only reserved for when he was attempting to handcuff her. It was oddly intimate, removing part of his armor for her. Maybe if he wasn’t wearing Kevlar they could have a little fun, but alas, Bats was all business.

“The Green Arrow thinks he can come into _my_ city without my noticing.”

Batman was entirely too close to her body. He had always had that weird air of mystery and hot voice combination that made her weak in the knees. But tonight something was different with him- he was flirting back in his weird silent way.

Moving her hand to the seam of his pants, she pulled the zipper down and waited for him to jolt away. Whenever things got too physical between them, he’d run away, one grappling shot in the air. His stupid cape fluttering away into the distance.

Using her teeth to remove her glove, she slipped her hand inside his pants and his hand shot out to stop her. “I have a girlfriend.” He grumbled, more as self-confession. He made no motion for her to halt her movements, in fact, he leaned back, his hands behind his body for balance.

“I have a philosophy. What happens under the mask, stays under the mask. Catwoman is a job. She’s not the only thing I bring to the table.”

The muscles in his leg tensed and she could swear she heard the holier than thou, self-righteous dick, mutter “fuck” before grabbing her arms and shoving her very close to the fan that was letting warm air out of the building beneath them.

Her hair ruffled, his cape fluttered and they were dangerously close to humping territory when her phone rang.

“Fuck you. Dick.” Selina grumbled looking at the caller ID. Bruce’s ward normally had much better timing. Batman looked confused for a minute before helping her back up. She wasn’t calling him a dick (even though he was one); she was speaking _to_ Dick. “Dick, now’s not a great time. No, I don’t know where Bruce is. I’m not his keeper. Ask Betty or Veronica or whatever the latest PR stunt’s name is. What do you mean she’s _at_ my place?”

That little red headed bitch was apparently at her townhouse demanding that Bruce come out. She had a gun. Fuck. Leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, Selina was half-tempted to ask for his assistance but didn’t. “To be continued, Bats.”

Vaulting herself off the roof, she took the long way home in case he tried to tail her.

“I know he’s in there, you _HOOKER_!!!”

Selina did not appreciate being called a hooker. Climbing up the fire escape, she landed on the roof and entered through the bedroom window and shed her clothes in favor of a robe. Running a hand through her curls she headed to the window to yell at the bitch but Bruce was already trying to calm her down. It was strange to see him standing on her tiny manicured lawn, briefcase in hand. Bruce never came to her her place on principle. He must have just come from the office, he hadn’t even loosened his tie.

“This is embarrassing not only me, but yourself. I made no promises of exclusivity with you and you will remove yourself now before I call the GCPD.” Bruce rarely raised his voice in public but he looked- mad. He sometimes looked amused but that was only in the eyes. Usually he was slightly annoyed with a hint of patronization. Never _mad._ Even though he had plenty to be mad about.

It was kinda hot. And she had (in the past twenty minutes) touched Batman intimately. She _was good to go_ as the young kids were saying.

The girl, whatever her name was, went back to her busted up Jetta and Bruce hopped the tiny metal fence she had in her tiny little yard and knocked on her door.

“Aww, Kid. Defending my honor against your stalker. How chivalrous.” Selina called down from her balcony.

Bruce looked at the dissipating crowd still on the street and hopped on the trellis, onto the awning over her front door and to the patio on the second floor. So he did still remember some things she taught him when they were kids.

Leaning on her elbows, Selina blocked his entry into her bedroom.

Bruce rolled his eyes at her before dropping his briefcase on the ground. “Gonna let me in, Lina?”

“Maybe. It’ll cost you.”

“I’m not buying you another cat.”

Selina scrunched her face up in disgust. She could buy her own cats, thank you very much. “Pants. Now.”

“Selina, there are people down there.”

“Pants.”

Bruce considered his options before coming up with a counter-offer. “Take your robe off first.”

Selina let the black silk fall off her shoulders and gave the poor kid a wink. His hands went for his belt. Eh. Close enough. Selina dropped her arm and let him inside.

**

@DailyLois: Cellphone footage shows billionaire Bruce Wayne’s ASS climbing into Ms. Kyle’s brownstone last night.  
@DailyClark: Wave of fake diamonds hitting the streets- how to check for fakes http://dai.ly/Diamond-Conspiracy

Felicity dodged past another line of mouse traps and let out a sigh of relief when she finally got to the display case. Oliver had told her to wear flats and she hadn’t listened to him. Her ankle still stung from the _very sharp_ mouse trap that someone had _conveniently_ left behind.

She had expected to see broken glass, stolen diamonds, general debris from a robbery. Instead the fake diamonds were sitting pretty in the velvet display case.

“The security in this place is a joke. They don’t even have a mirror facing the door.” Oliver grumbled moving to a position where he could see the door and the window where they entered. The building schematics had pointed out that there wasn’t much electricity in the old brick building and he’d been complaining about it the whole plane ride.

“The _pest inspector_ didn’t steal anything. All of the fake diamonds are still here.” Felicity pointed out, squatting down to jimmy the glass out of the display case.

Oh how she missed the days of petty thievery. Instead she was in Gotham hunting an international diamond counterfeiter.  Three people had died in the gang fight in The Glades last week and insurance companies were in a tailspin. Insuring fake diamonds meant they were on the hook for their replacements. Team Arrow had inadvertently bought a few of the diamonds and Oliver had _insisted_ on flying them to Gotham.

And as Curtis liked to point out, you can’t hack a diamond. So that meant feet on the ground in Gotham.

This poor little mom and pop stand was just begging to be stolen from, if the Manager’s Office Key, clearly labeled on the wall behind the cash register, was any indication. Slipping on a pair of gloves, she grabbed the key and went towards the back, the lock turning easily.

“I’ll get the diamonds.” Oliver volunteered, kissing her cheek quickly before digging the evidence bag out of his pocket. They’d tracked the main supplier to this store in Gotham and if she could just hack their computer they could be back home before William got up for school.

Opening the door, she looked around for a light switch and the tiny room lit up with light- floor to ceiling filling cabinets and a ledger opened up on the crowed desk. No computer. No Ctrl+F. _frack._

Poking her head back into the store, she told Oliver they might be there for a while.

Clicking her comm back on, she held her wrist up to her face, “Curtis, what was the date Gang Banger #1 gave for his first dealing with the fake diamonds?”

_“Um- looking, looking, come on, SCPD your files want to open for me- Aha! July 15.”_

Flipping back three months, there was only one transaction in red, followed by a very familiar routing number. The same routing number where they kept their _unmentionables_ in Metropolis.

“Um, Oliver? You might want to tell Raisa we’re going to be late. Curtis? We need a flight to Metropolis.”

Oliver’s face looked so cute when he was confused.

“You ever wonder what I did with all of the money from that math equation I cracked? Well I put it in that concierge bank that Warlords, Shieks and Czars use in Metropolis thinking we might need an in at the bank that used to belong to Lex Luthor. The interest rate was too high to pass up.”

“And that has to do with fake diamonds?”

“There’s one large transaction in the ledger, and the bank account has the same routing number. It’s a very memorable number 00000052.”

The bank was so secure they had no digital footprint.

Frackedy frack frack.

Locking up behind herself, Felicity moved to exit out the window they came in only to have Oliver boost her up. “Tuck and roll.”

“Oh no, Mister. As all of my middle school gym class will tell you I sucked at tumbling.”

Oliver didn’t seem to care about her hesitation and yes, the two of them had been practicing some basic evasion maneuvers that didn’t involve her throwing her priceless tablet at people.

She tucked.

She rolled. And she was so, so proud of herself. Or she would have been if she hadn’t kept rolling unintentionally-

Right into Batman. Her computers had figured out his true identity years ago, but she had met Bruce first. And the fact that he dressed up like a giant bat was just so- comical. Hysterical. Which is about the time she realized she was giggling at the _Dark Knight_. Because Bruce Wayne’s servers only had NSA grade encryption and it was really laughable that he was in the tech industry at all-

“How long do the two of you normally spend at crime scenes?” Bruce asked her, giving a boost upright.

“As long as it takes.” Felicity informed him, “Thanks for the assist Batman but you can go flutter off to wherever you hang your Kevlar-y armor and your- seamless leather gauntlets and your nanite-encrusted cowl.”

Her hand was out to touch the mask before she could stop herself, “Damn. Who made this for you? I’m impressed and it takes a lot to impress me. And if the name Cisco Ramon comes out of your mouth so help me-”

“It was Palmer.”

“Oh. Him. I forget that he’s zipping and zapping around time. Rats.” Felicity mumbled, dusting herself off. On the one hand, she didn’t want to talk to Bruce/Batman about their case. On the other hand, she was feeling a bit smug that Bruce didn’t make his own cowl. And one of her only weaknesses was gloating to supposed know-it-alls.

Seeing a flash of red to around the corner, she motioned for Dick to come out. Dick Grayson. That was someone she could deal with. The _boy_ swung around the edge of the building with his little grappling hook and then landed on the patio. It would be cute if not- you know, child labor.

Looking around for anyone else, he hugged her fast as humanly possible before resuming his doom and gloom posture next to Batman.

“Is Will with you?”

“No he’s at home. There’s a baseball practice he didn’t want to miss. He’s with Raisa, which he’s not happy about. He’s also not going to be happy about us going to Metropolis without him- they’re playing Central City in the new stadium.”

How Felicity managed to remember anything about baseball was still a mystery.

“I’ll go with you.” Batman insisted, “These are decent people being taken advantage of.”

Oliver took his sweet time getting out of the window, looking at Bruce and Dick with that cute confused wrinkle between his eyes. She knew it was there even if she couldn’t see it behind the mask.

“How are we going to explain all of us going to Metropolis?”

“Um. Actually I have an idea about that.” Felicity’s hand raised, shuffling her fingers. And they said work and play had to be separate-

 

**

@DailyLois: Bruce Wayne landed in Metropolis early this morning.

@DailyClark: @DailyLois that makes it sound like you’re stalking him

@DailyLois: @DailyClark What do you call getting a random phone call from a source at the airport at 4 in the morning? You’re the one who took the call for me.

@JimmyTheOlson: @DailyLois Wait, why were you at CK’s at 4 in the morning?!?!?!?

 

Selina didn’t care about Bruce’s newfound celebrity status. He was still the same geeky little loser she’d met as a child, just had a few more Armani suits in his closet. But she was not an idiot, and when said loser invites you across the country in his private jet, you went with.

Besides, that other harlot he’d been hanging around with lately was starting to get jealous and Selina promised not to physically hurt her. Which was becoming increasingly difficult in Gotham when she just showed up everywhere. It was just rude, showing up at _her_ condo looking for Bruce. She was not his keeper. But he liked to pretend he was hers.

Which led to the two of them being alone in his limo, in Metropolis. Maybe she’d get lucky and see that flying, caped man.

“Selina stop casing the museum. We are visitors. They would find it quite odd if the Catwoman was in Metropolis the same week as Selina Kyle.”

Tilting her head to the side she took a closer look at his face which was glued to his iPad. 1) he shouldn’t know she was casing the museum. 2) he had never mentioned anything about knowing she was Catwoman.

There’s no way he knew. She purposefully avoided events Bruce Wayne attended, she had only been in police custody once but Bats had been a convenient distraction for her escape.

Tossing his iPad toward the end of the limo she crawled into his lap and ran a finger down the side of his chin. His jaw twitched once. He was caught. Just the way she liked him to be.

“The only person who could definitively identify me as Catwoman is Batman. And I believe I told Bats once that he reminded me of someone I used to know.”

This was so unlike him, divulging secrets. Unannounced honesty. Something must be happening and she couldn’t wait to figure it out.

Bruce’s hands moved to her behind and he nudged her forward so he could kiss the corner of her mouth, “I have been staring at your chest since I was a child. Of course I would recognize it bent over a jewelry display case.”

“So when you said you had a girlfriend but let me give you a hand job on that rooftop-” Selina purred into his ear while grinding down on his erection.

“That was just hot.” Bruce’s hands moved to the hem of her dress to lift it up-

-The air flow in the back of the limo shifted, meaning someone opened the damn door right about the time she was going to get lucky- “HELLO BRUUUCE!”

Ever since that damn movie came out about the animated fish. Everyone thought it was so funny to yell that at him.

Bruce didn’t tell her that _she_ was going to be there. Not even bothering to look up, she reached for the door handle and locked it. “Come back in fifteen minutes, Felicity. Unless you want to watch.”

Selina would actually rather enjoy that but Oliver Queen did not look like the type to share. Pity.

“As much as I would NOT like to think about that, Bruce and I have a meeting- well- NOW.  So think of The Queen of England or The Riddler or whatever you need to think about because this meeting was hard enough to setup. May I suggest- being stranded on a Chinese Island with a bunch of people who want to kill you?”

“Bruce would probably think that was a good time.” Selina laughed to herself, standing up in a manner that ground their pelvises together before exiting the limo.

Bruce followed after her and faked a cough, “I’m sick, Felicity. I need bed rest. You can handle this meeting without me.”

“Such a jokester.” Felicity laughed, “Besides you wouldn’t be getting much _rest_.”

No one had ever called Bruce Wayne a jokester.  Ever. The two of them headed toward the Lex Corp Elevators leaving her in the lobby with Oliver Queen. He was sitting and looked rather- bored.

Selina sat on the arm of his chair, which made him shift in his seat to get away from her. “Shouldn’t you be up there- Rich Peopling?”

“You’re worth more than me, Ms. Kyle. I took a pay cut to become mayor.”

“So are you watching her, the six security guards, or me?” Selina twirled a perfectly manicured finger towards the plain clothes officer to their left “working”. No one typed so many keys in the middle of their keyboard repeatedly. No one.

“Bruce knows that if anything happens to Felicity I will kill him.” Oliver Queen was very protective of the blonde one. Selina made a mental note to return the necklace she stole from Felicity the last time she was in Star City.

“So if you’re babysitting me, great. We’re leaving.” Selina took his arm with her right and lifted his wallet with the left while he stood up. Normally she’d go shopping or to the hospital or the orphanage, but when one was presented with Arm Candy like Oliver Queen, one had to take advantage.

“We’re going to be good friends one day, Oliver Queen. However today is not that day.” Selina grinned pulling out her cellphone. Without dialing she put it up to her ear before shouting, “Pam! Babe. Let’s do lunch!”

Watching the pretty boy’s eyes widen in alarm was all the information she needed. He knew something about something and she wasn’t born yesterday.

Selina smirked before replying, “Maybe that day _is_ today. Green Arrow. Let’s do lunch.”

Making men uncomfortable was one of her favorite amusements, and while she was satisfied with herself, dropping the word green or arrow as much as possible, just to get on his nerves.

“Can we skip past the teasing and move onto the friendship part?” Oliver sighed, picking at his salad. “Or do I need to make a few jokes about catnip and laser toys? Or my wallet going missing?”

Selina couldn’t really get a good vibe about Oliver Queen. He was quiet and patient but he had an underlying sense of humor or darkness or maybe even light. It was hard to describe. He fit in but not too well and if his glance didn’t stop going to their surroundings she might say he was enjoying himself.

“You remind me of Bruce.”

“Bruce? Or Batman? One’s a complement and the other’s an insult.”

Choosing her words carefully, Selina reached across the table and took the poor man’s hand, “Batman.”

Oliver barked out a laugh and she was quick to join him. Yep- they were going to be great friends.

**

@IWA_CCPN: Fake diamonds found in Central City- More live from the newsroom at 9AM

@KDanvers: Wave of fake diamonds spreading across US- from as far west as Star City to as far East as Monument Point

Lois tried to keep her eyes downcast as not to make herself too obvious.

Clark’s mother was in the hospital, leaving her alone for the first time in weeks. She didn’t have any food in her fridge and while she loathed eating alone in public, it was too nice outside to contain herself in the _Planet’s_ cafeteria.

Which was probably for the best because Bruce Wayne was having a _very_ heated conversation with Tess Mercer and Felicity Smoak, not three tables from her own. While she had gotten out her sunglasses to conceal her face she noticed Oliver Queen and Selina Kyle at a table indoors. As a less confident writer would have said, JACKPOT, she kept her cool with a small fist pump. She knew paying off the wait staff across from the Lex Corp building would come in handy one day.

Clark was not allowed to leave her in Metropolis ever again. He had better hearing than she did and it was hard enough to keep up with Bruce’s technobabble when trying to get a good view of Selina and Oliver. This was definitely a two-man job and she was burning from both ends as it was.

Tess stood up to go to the ladies’ room and Lois swore under her breath, wishing she had Clark’s iPad, a magazine, anything to conceal her face-

“-Lois.”

“Ms. Mercer.”

The redhead squinted her eyes debating her response, “Eavesdropping is unbecoming of a writer of your pedigree. Also none of us consented to being recorded so if you really want a joint lawsuit from three of the richest people in America, I’d advise you to go back to your salad.”

“The three of you arguing in public is hardly “being recorded”. I’m just a woman in a restaurant eating lunch, Ms. Mercer.”

“If I didn’t respect you so much I’d have you arrested for stalking.” Tess laughed, handing Lois’ cellphone back to her, “I own all the waitstaff across from the Mercer building. Especially on days when I have those two in town.”

Tess dug into her purse and tossed the five burners she’d given out the day before. Not having a comeback at the ready she just waited until Tess said something she could reply to:

“Bruce says Hi.”

Lois twirled her fingers in his general direction. She didn’t appreciate Tess’ thinly-veiled attempt at slut-shaming her. “You gonna stop in to see Oliver when you go inside? I mean you two were pretty hot and heavy before he was lost at sea and you fell in love with your half-brother, terrorist extraordinaire.”

Lois wiped her mouth daintily with her napkin and left some cash on the table. Scooping all of the burners into her purse, she walked away from table, head held high.

Until she saw the men in the masks and assault weapons, creeping into the bank next door.

Walking as quickly as possible, as not to raise suspicions, she interrupted Oliver and Selina’s conversation about the history of the Waynes and Queens to block Selina’s view of the Mayor of Star City.

“There is a obberay at the ankbay.”

“Every person over the age of five knows pig latin, Lois.” Selina pointed out, but Lois didn’t have time for that. Ignoring the other woman, she detailed the men she saw, the location of their van the guns they were carrying.

“That’s where Tess Mercer keeps her unmentionables. And I’m sure your wifey, my rescuer, keeps some of her unmentionables.”

Oliver rose one eyebrow as if to say ‘what do you want me to do about it?’

“Are we really gonna pull the ‘my city’ card? Last week when that flash-child was here he did the same thing.”

Oliver placed his napkin on the table and put his arm out for Selina. “It was nice seeing you again Lois. Selina and I have a previous engagement we should be heading to.”

Then as if to scratch his ear, he turned on the earpiece the moment she spied Felicity opening her tablet. Lois could not believe this bullshit. Giving them her best fake smile, she crossed the restaurant and sat down next to Felicity.

“How convenient that Bruce is _missing._ He _must_ have found Selina and they’re having a quickie in the bathroom. _”_ Lois pulled the keyboard out of her purse and hooked it up to her phone, “I mean there’s a bank robbery across the street and look! The Green Arrow is here. And- Catwoman? OMG are they friends? Are the dating? Superhero Love Connection right here in M-ish.”

Felicity’s hand came up to cover her mouth, garbling her pronunciation of Metropolis.

“-Lois, I’m busy saving hostages and preparing a report for the FBI.” Felicity growled. Apparently Tess had been dismissed as well, the redhead did not return from the bathroom. But _no one_ dismissed Lois Lane. No one.

Lois watched Felicity keep a calm face and give orders, and apparently sometime in the past month they’d given Catwoman an earbud. Also Felicity was already wearing hers when she sat down at the table. Doing her mental Lois math- Sketchy+Convienent= Prepared. They were _already_ ready for this.

“Why are you guys really here?” Lois snapped, yanking the earbud out of the blonde’s ear and sticking it in her own, “And don’t even lecture me, she’s already got the power back on and the bad guys locked in the safe.”

“Lois.”

“This is an on-going investigation.” Bruce’s voice barked over the comms, “Now give Overwatch back her comm so she can walk me through this hack.”

“You’re Batman. You don’t need help. Just pull some gadget out of your belt.”

Felicity elbowed her in the side before shoving a dollar bill at her, “You can’t report any of this or I’ll tell everyone that the great Lois Lane takes bribes for stories.”

“Touche Smoak, Touche.”

Lois has a firsthand seat to the well-oiled machine that was Team Arrow. Even with virtual unknowns like Catwoman and Batman, Felicity said go right, they went right. Three guys on the roof were taken out by arrows and the whole crew was taken down in 15 minutes. No thefts reported. Cell phone footage was enough for her story.

“Same time tomorrow?” Felicity smiled, patting Lois on the back before meeting her slightly sweaty husband at the other side of the restaurant.

“Felicity, you didn’t pay!” Lois yelled to no one.

_Fuck._

**

@DailyLois: @QueenInc CEO @Felicity, “It’s my responsibility as CEO to make sure women get the same opportunities in all of our business dealings around the globe”

@DailyLois: Queen Inc CEO enacts GLOBAL Pro-Women Policy. Live from the Mercer conference room: dai.ly.now/live

Truth be told, Felicity had wanted to implement her Pro-Woman policy for awhile now but they needed to make a spectacle of her being in Metropolis to deflect the real reason they were there- catching the diamond counterfeiters.

Felicity finished the rest of her coffee and went back to the schematics in front of her. If the three of them couldn’t figure this out, then they were screwed. Someone robbing the bank- was a little too convenient. The bank had impeccable security measures and the only thing they’d gotten from the thieves was a schematic for a 3-D printer. And old Kord model from five years ago that was nowhere close enough to mass producing fake diamonds.

Tess’s growl from the other side of the conference table interrupted her thoughts, “She sent me a _bill_. With interest. And a transaction fee! This is _ridiculous._ ”

Felicity agreed. But Lois was not in the Superhero club and it wasn’t their place to bring her in without Clark’s permission. And they really did need to meet to talk about this Justice League thing Sara mentioned the last time she was in-time. Which was like in-town yet no one wanted to adapt her cool lingo.

Cisco could say Speckled Herring and it would be ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ from everyone. Sexist assholes. Bruce and Tess looked up at her with confused glances.

“Honey? I thought I stopped the whole speaking my private thoughts aloud thing?” Felicity asked Oliver who was flipping through his tablet.

Oliver looked up from his reading and didn’t even make eye contact with her, “Nope.”

He had insisted that Selina “ditched” him and had promptly decided to sit on the couch in Tess’s office until she decided to leave. Things were too “dangerous” in Metropolis. They were from Star City. He put on a very sexy green leather outfit every night and punched bad guys in the face with his bow. She did not need her husband to be her personal bodyguard. Unless it was in the bedroom-

Tess was still feeling grumpy if her mumbled, “Still doing it, Felicity.” was any indication.

“Most people find me endearing AF. Look at that one. He’s like 6-4 and can lift me with one arm. And I’m smarter than the two of you combined. So there.”

Bruce who was normally quiet during their meetings chuckled at their conversation. “You better mean those two.”

“I’m sorry? Who kicked who’s ass at 3D Chess last week?”

“So? I beat you at Words with Friends.”

Oliver put down the tablet and tucked it back into her purse. He was clearly ready to leave.

Squatting in front of her chair, before grabbing her and tossing her whole body over his shoulder. “I’ll see you at the gym in the morning, Bruce.”

Felicity could try and wiggle out of his grip but she wasn’t sure how graceful her landing would be and with the bio-stimulant she didn’t want to risk it. Which was Oliver’s plan the whole time. That shiesty schiester.

“You’re tired. You start sounding cranky and have had way too much coffee today. You need to sleep.”

She knew these things. But it was hard to think clearly when your whole body was swaying back in forth watching all of the executives on her walk of shame towards the elevator. He even stopped to thank Bruce’s secretary for the coffee.

What the Frak.

“If I didn’t love this angle of your butt so much I’d really hate you right now.”

Reaching down she figured she’d already be on the cover of the Daily Planet, and pinching Oliver’s butt brought her a special kind of joy.

He flinched/clenched and if not for almost tripping into the elevator he might have enjoyed it.

“You’re so violent. Especially in public.” Oliver mumbled.

“You’re the one carrying me like a sack of potatoes.”

“I’ve learned that if I don’t physically remove you from work, feed, then distract you, you will work for days. And your little competitive thing with Bruce needs to stop.”

What competition? There was no competition. Just because he was old money and had a remote controlled jet she couldn’t wait to take apart-

Okay maybe Oliver was right.

That happened sometimes. She did need a break and since they were married-he was the perfect distraction.

Oliver finally put her down in the parking garage, but not in front of their rental car. “Oliver this is Bruce’s towncar.”

“So?”

Oliver twirled the keys around one of his fingers before unlocking the car, “Alfred owes me a favor.”

“How does Alfred owe you a favor?! He’s older than fire.” Felicity sat down and buckled herself into the passenger seat. Oliver’s hand took her own a weird smile on his face.

“Wanna crash it into a wall?”

Her heart said no, but her mouth said yes.

**

@DailyLois: Billionaire Bruce Wayne’s towncar was found smashed into the side of the Mercer building late last night. L&C are on scene.

@DailyClark: No casualties reported. Car was stolen sometime around 9PM last night.

 

Lois looked at the smashed towncar and thanked whomever was up there that Alfred wasn’t driving. She liked the kooky butler. Peering around the front of the car she used the end of her pen to jimmy the handle-

“Ms. Lane. Great to see you again. Step away from the car.” Detective Tupin’s tone was not happy. But if Tupin was there that meant Sawyer was there- and there went her exclusive.

Most reporters would be embarrassed to be seen on a Saturday in her pajamas. But she had told Clark they didn’t have time to change and dragged him out of bed. He’d just gotten back from Smallville and she was big enough to admit that she missed him. A lot. In the bedroom. It took him a minute to figure out that she wanted to have sex with him right there in the doorway to her apartment, but he eventually got it.

And he was too hot in the morning to not get a little distracted with a quick grope-

“Focus, Lane.” Clark smirked, pulling out his iPad to start taking notes. “Detective do you think foul play was involved? Have you found any blood?” Clark lead the detective away from the car leaving her to poke around a bit before his partner showed up.

Feeling a tap on her shoulder, Maggie handed her a cup of coffee and smirked, “How come he takes Clark’s bullshit but not yours?”

“I intimidate a lot of men, Mags.”

“So do I.” Maggie smirked, “And women.”

Lois liked the cop. If not for her always insisting that she and Clark did not belong at crime scenes. How were they supposed to report the news otherwise? Besides beating MPD to the crime scene was just sad really.

“Keys are still in the ignition.” Lois commented dryly, leaning against the Mercer sign.  “Bruce couldn’t be reached for comment?”

“He walked over to the Metropolis Grand Hotel from Mercer sometime around 10pm. Unis are knocking on the door now, but my friends in Gotham say that when the “Do Not Disturb” sign is up, people get slapped with lawsuits.”

If Lois was afraid of lawsuits she would have been a librarian. And it was a slow news day. Okay it wasn’t a slow day but everyone else could cover the Pro-Women policy ad nauseum and this was the perfect in to see if Queen Inc. was going to make their business partners adhere to the policy as well. Working an angle was her bread and butter, afterall.

“I’ll be back Smallville.” Lois informed him kissing his chin quickly before turning towards the hotel. Clark’s hand shot out to spin her around, their faces inches away from each other.

“Do not hurt anyone. Do not pull your gun on anyone. And don’t smoke.”

His stupid guilt trips usually kept her in line but she highly doubted she’d need a gun if Bruce was involved.

“I’m a big girl.”

“You’re _my_ girl. I prefer you in one piece.”

Heartstring. Officially tugged. Macho sexist bullshit was apparently her weakness when Clark was involved. Strutting her stuff towards the Grand, she breezed past Sal at the security station and Hattie, the concierge- concieregess? What was the female word for Concierge? Even past Chef Louis in the kitchen and General Manager Penelope Harris.

“Can I help you Miss Lane?”

-And almost past Associate Manager Q. Was Q her first initial? Last initial? Was her name actually Que? Was she a secret agent? The little pipsqueak was the tougher than Marines she’d met.

Arms crossed, purple hair so dark it was almost black, this _child_ was the bane of her existence.

How one of the most prestigious private hotels in the world had this toddler for an assistant manager was some sort of cosmic joke.

Lois did her best to sound mild-mannered and polite, “Just going up to see my friend. Selina Kyle. Who is in room 901.”

“I don’t think she’s in that room.” Q was a formidable foe. But their little tete a tete would need to wait for another time. She was on the hunt for scoop. There was little to nothing that could stop her on a hunch.

“It’s funny you think Selina and Bruce stay in the penthouse suite.” Lois chuckled.

One of the most famous men in the world would not stay in a penthouse suite where all the staff could potentially sell him out to the first paper or blogger with twenty dollars. Digging out her little “present” she may have stolen from Felicity, she used the all-in-one magnetic strip to gain access to the ninth floor.

The elevator was cleared and her annoyance followed her around, intrigued.

Lois walked over to 902 and pounded on the door. “Housekeeping!”

Putting the key in the slot, she made her way into the room and headed for the shared balcony they had with 901. Sheets were knotted together from 1001, flapping in the breeze, just as she suspected. Q looked upwards and then down again.

“How did you know?”

The Metropolis Grand prided themselves on their whiter than white Egyptian cotton sheets. The sheets dangling from the floor above them were definitely black silk and Lois didn’t want to think of where they came from.

“I’m just that good.” Lois huffed hiking her sweatpants up to make the jump to the next balcony.

The patio door was unlocked and Lois preemptively covered her eyes with her elbow.

“Bruce! Wakey wakey!”

 


End file.
